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"A mature relationship is one in which each party assumes responsibility for his or her individuation, and supports the other in hers of his as well."

"If I can reasonably assume that the Other is not here to make my life work for me, but intends to support my efforts to do so, then I will have made a huge stride toward cleaning up the debris that hampers and impairs relationships. Sadly, many persons slip into controlling behaviors because they are terrified of not having the child within them taken care of by the Other. Or, they are terrified of the Other growing up, hearing their own drummer, and leaving them. So we who say we value relationships so much are so frequently incapable of rising to the truism that defines all relationships, namely, that the relationship can be no more evolved than the maturity level of each of the parties."

Such words of wisdom...now, if only applying them were half as easy as understanding. I have such a long ways to go.

Current Mood: productive

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Gratitude is such an important thing to cultivate. It's so easy to forget to be thankful for the little(and not so little) things that make life worth living, the radiant sunshine, the gentle spring breezes, the delicious food, companionship, being able to breath, being able to walk, having family, having friends. But even then, it's hard to be grateful during the trying times in life. I found a poem about gratitude that was especially inspirational.

Be Thankful
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.
~ Author Unknown ~

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable. 

--Khalil Gibran

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I am  sooo in love with Loveless, and can't stop listening to the ending theme. ^__^ The artwork is lovely, and the anime makes some very poignant points about loneliness, intimacy, and the risks we all need to take to allow ourselves to feel and trust. 

Michiyugi

Even if you embrace me until it's suffocating
We will never become one.
In a place deeper than gentleness
Touching each other is merely pain.
Please bind the two of us.
We will dream no more,
Joining hands in uncertainty
Walking towards
The cruel dawn.

True words are surely
Somewhere in the true world,
Lurking
In our wordless night.
Surely even now

Meeting each other in order to know loneliness,
We won't know until we exchange a kiss.
Even so, I am trembling with the joy
Of having met you.
Please support my heart.
We will dream no more,
We can't run to a warm place.
We will surely overcome
The cruel dawn.
The abandoned quietness
Will surely find
The true words
In order to lovingly hurt each other.
Someday surely

Even if you embrace me until it's suffocating
We will never become one.
O cold stars before dawn,
Please light
The path that's just for us.  

(judging from the disparities between the two versions, the English lyrics are somewhat questionable. Gotta find a more accurate version) !

旅程

即便尝尽辛酸的滋味                

也始终无法融为一体

纵使在温情的更深处

安抚也只能带来痛楚

请允许我们命运相连

我们已不在依赖梦境

踌躇不决中手牵着手

一步步走向残酷黎明

一定会有真诚的话语

在你我皆沉默的夜里

静静潜伏   直至今日

等到了双唇相交的那一刻

原来相逢只是为了知晓寂寞

可现在与你相遇的我

仍然禁不住欣喜颤抖请撑起我脆弱的心灵

我们已不在依恋梦境

不愿躲避在安逸之中

期盼能跨越残酷黎明

早已放弃的那份宁静

远离我们的真诚话语

为了能相爱直至成伤

总有一天   能够找到

即便尝尽辛酸滋味

也始终无法融为一体

黎明前冷漠的星光啊

请你温柔地照亮

我们孤独的旅程

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I'm afraid that I have anger management issues. Not that I'm the exploding type that acts out aggressively, but rather I have a tendency of holding onto past grudges and hurts while being internally judgemental. In terms of behavior, I usually let things slide rather than assert my point of view, which in the long run often leads to internal distress and resentment. Not good. Also, instead of confronting people whom I have issues with, I just ignore them for a while. I blame this on my dad. He always gave me the silent treatment when I upset him. So maybe I learned to punish people by shunning them.

On second thought, this may be a combo of my usual bout of pms and test anxiety speaking--exam tomorrow. *sighs*

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 I am now firmly convinced that most famous Chinese poets had mild to severe cases of depression. Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration, but I mean, seriously. I never knew there was such a pessimistic streak in Chinese aesthetics. According to my professor, it's only lyricism, but man...

Some famous casualties: 屈原...need I say more, case in point: the effects of depression in the a therapy-less age. I truly believe him to be too far gone though, that even intervention wouldn't help. 李煜 quite literally expressed himself to death. That exquisite nostagia evoking 虞美人 promptly earned him a ticket to heaven (perhaps his originally intention), and became his swan song. Ah, the prices we pay for art. 李清照 the famous woman poet, was also known for her incredible capacity for inspiring angst. And many many more...

Some favorites:

驿外断桥边,寂寞无开主.
已是黄昏独自愁,更著风和雨,
无意苦争春,一任群芳妒,
零落成泥碾作尘,只有香如故。

林花谢了春红, 太匆匆，
无奈朝来寒雨晚来风。
胭脂泪, 留人醉, 几时重，
自是人生长恨水常东

帘外雨潺潺,春意阑珊,罗衾不耐五更寒.
梦里不知身是客, 一晌贪欢.
独自莫凭阑!无限江山,别时容易见时难.
流水落花春去也, 天上人间. 

无言独上西楼,月如钩,
寂寞梧桐深院锁清秋.
剪不断,理还乱,是离愁,
别是一般滋味在心头.

　 
春花秋月何时了,往事知多少.
小楼昨夜又东风,故国不堪回首月明中. 
雕栏玉砌应犹在,只是朱颜改.
问君能有几多愁,恰似一江春水向东流. 

庭院深深深几许, 杨柳堆烟, 帘幕无重数。
玉勒雕鞍游冶处, 楼高不见章台路。
雨横风狂三月暮, 门掩黄昏, 无计留春住。
泪眼问花花不语, 乱红飞过秋千去。 

风住尘香花已尽, 日晚倦梳头。
物是人非事事休, 欲语泪先流。 
闻说双溪春尚好, 也拟泛轻舟。
只恐双溪蚱蜢舟, 载不动许多愁

寻寻觅觅，冷冷清清，凄凄惨惨戚戚。
乍暖还寒时候，最难将息。
三杯两盏淡酒，怎敌他、晚来风急。
雁过也，正伤心，却是旧时相识。
满地黄花堆积。憔悴损，如今有谁堪摘。
守著窗儿，独自怎生得黑。
梧桐更兼细雨，到黄昏 点点滴滴。
这次第，怎一个 愁字了得！

People deal with issues by writing this stuff, and I'm a masochist for reading this stuff. But maybe there is something to reading depressing poetry when feeling blue. I've been feeling extra-nostalgic and sentimental lately. I think it's the spring weather. Or maybe it's cuz I dreamt of my dad last night. Sleeping and reading are the best means of escape.

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Comic Relief

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/07/ask-steve-rapid-fire-questions/

This guy is hilarious. Don't know how he does it. But it takes a special soul to mix humor with such insightfulness.

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Tuesdays with Morrie: Heart-warming, beautifully written, almost deceptively simple in it's message~Love is the only rational act. This book inspired me so much that I have urges to give/recommend it to all of my friends and family. It's such a shame that it was such a quick read--I had wanted it to go on. =)

Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling: I dunno...having heard very strong recommendations for this book, I have to say it was a disappointment of sorts. I feel like it actually reinforces some very inaccurate stereotypes about Asian Americans. And...to generalize about all Asian Americans as having had strong Confucian influences is just plain misguided. Don't think Confucian influences extended much beyond East Asia and Vietnam. Does make some valid points...but somehow it just didn't sit too well with me.

陌上花开缓缓归: "平淡的文，虽在宫廷殿阁五彩琉璃瓦下，却是寻常情怀。一只温柔狐狸攻，一只呆呆绵羊受，中有小虐怡情，吃亏受罪的是小攻~~~~~~~情节简单，无大起大伏" This is such a sight for sore eyes for those who have had enough of melodrama in original BL. Sweet and temperate...like a soothing cup of honey tea, with just a hint of lemon to give it some tartness.  HAPPY ENDING

行行重行行: Set in late Ming dynasty (personal favorite =P)...a story about patriotism and love. With how historically loaded the setting was, I would have expected there to be more emphasis on the 东林 sect and so forth, but it's mostly relationship-centered, without too much politicking and court intrigue (bummer). But a good read nontheless.

宋叶词: Finally finished!! The plot is somewhat dubious, but I loooove the character settings. Am reminded of Tom and Jerry in a very bizarre way. 官场宫廷文. Genre: comedy

Fairy Cube: Delightful manga about fairies/demons. Kind of gothic but lighter, and faintly remniscient of Petshop of Horrors. I'm loving the artwork!!!

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Happy Moon Festival !

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